What networking is for
Many jobs and projects reach people through someone they know: a former coworker who mentions an opening, a friend who passes your name along, a contact who explains what a role is really like. You can't plan those moments, but you can keep enough relationships alive that they have a chance to happen.
Spammy networking treats people as a list. Every message asks for something, and the sender disappears once they get it or don't. People notice, and those messages mostly go unanswered.
Start with people you already know
Your best network is the people you have already worked or studied with. They know your work, and a note from you isn't a cold message. Make a list of former coworkers, managers, classmates, clients and people from volunteer groups. Pick two or three a month and get back in touch.
A short note works: "I saw your team launched the new app. Congratulations. I still use the checklist you showed me when we worked together. How are things?" No ask, no attachment.
Reaching people you don't know
Sometimes you want to talk to someone new, such as a person in a field you are thinking of moving into. Keep the message short, explain why you picked them, and make the request small and easy to decline:
"Hi Sam, I'm a teacher looking at a move into instructional design, and your post about building training for nurses was the clearest thing I've read on it. Would you have fifteen minutes for a call in the next few weeks? I'd like to ask what the work is like day to day. No problem at all if you're too busy."
Don't ask a stranger for a job or a referral in the first message. Ask about their work. If the conversation goes well, they may offer more, and if they don't, you still learned something.
Habits that read as spam
| Avoid | Try instead |
|---|---|
| Copying the same message to dozens of people | Writing a few notes that mention something specific |
| Asking for a job or referral in the first message | Asking a short question about their work |
| Following up again and again | One polite follow-up after a week or two, then letting it go |
| Only getting in touch when you need something | Keeping in touch a few times a year with no ask |
| Adding people to a mailing list without asking | Sharing news one to one, with people who would want it |
Give before you ask
You have more to offer than you might think. Share an article that fits someone's project, introduce two people who would get along, answer a question in your area, or write a short public note praising a former coworker's work. Small favors like these build goodwill, and goodwill is what makes people glad to hear from you later.
Events and online groups
Professional associations, meetups, alumni groups and online communities can all help. Go regularly to a few of them, because people get to know faces they see often. At an event, aim for two or three good conversations and a follow-up note to each person within a few days.
Keep a simple record
A spreadsheet or notes file with names, how you know each person, when you last talked and anything they mentioned is enough. It helps you remember to check in and to ask about the new baby or the house move. If you are planning a move, the career change guide explains how to use these conversations to test a new field.